Addicted to applause

I was a bit appalled to see that only one person read my blog yesterday. The rest of you don’t know what you missed….

Actually that whole thing fits nicely into what happened this morning and the writing thing as well.

I was with the sophomores at Ozark Adventist Academy this morning, talking to them about writing personality profiles. After a few minutes of discussion, I had them break into teams and interview each other and write three-paragraph personality profiles. After that, three of them shared what they had read. Finally, I had each student write their own obituary. They were shocked at first that I would ask them do to this, but after  a few minutes really got into it. “That was fun!” is what both the teachers there said at the end.

I made the comment to Melissa, my daughter, as we were leaving the school that I hate to lecture, doing it only as a last resort, and admitted I like to do fun stuff in class because I am such an “attention addict.” Well, addict wasn’t the word I used, but you get the idea.

And that’s true. A great deal of what I have done in my teen and adult life has been based on this need for approval. When I started academy my freshman year, the “funnybook” editor wanted to know what to put under my picture. My mom told them to write, “clown” under it. I hated that she did that, but it was appropriate for the most part. Later I got into music, singing with the select choir, and really got into it when I discovered the job of singing in smaller groups and solos.

My writing, as I have said before, is continually in search of an audience. I believe that being read is really what motivated writers to write. If someone disagrees with that, I would sincerely like to hear their reason why.

So is this a good thing, or a bad thing? In my rebellious phase (which has been the past 40+ years), there have been times I have done things i know wouldn’t be accepted. My rationale: if you do them on purpose, it’s not as painful to be rejected. Rejection is always painful, and I have had my share, both in romance and in writing. But unless you are willing to risk rejection, you will never be rewarded with acceptance. There’s something philosophical in there somewhere….

In any case, I have come to terms with my addiction. Knowing is half the battle, as they say. I write to be read, but i also write because i feel I have something to say. And I draw the line at writing frivolous frippery (is that a word?) unless I am paid well and good. If I am going to write for free, dagnabbit, it will be stuff I enjoy writing.

So what’s the answer? Go for the spotlight, or labor on in secret in my gibbet, carefully placing sheet after sheet of private musings into a drawer where they will eventually yellow and turn to dust? Hmmm…food for thought.

What’s real, and what’s not

Back sometime in the last year, I wrote a blog about internet addiction and computer gaming. Since having dealt with it a few years ago, I have tried to keep myself removed from it, but fell back into a semblance of it over Christmas break and since. You see, I fell in love with another online game. My solution to this addiction–in consultation with my family, of course–is to indefinitely discontinue our internet service at home. Indefinitely, as in for the forseeable future.

Two things I want to say right up front here:

1. An internet addiction doesn’t have the physiological ties–biochemical–that say tobacco or alcohol have. That doesn’t mean it’s not psychologically addictive.

2. Gaming isn’t the only addiction that people can have. You can be addicted to Facebook (and many people are), as well as daytime soaps, or Law and Order. Your addiction can be to gossip. The big issue is whether your pasttime is making you a better person or not. In most cases, the addiction has to do with escape from real life.

So how do you know if you have an internet addiction? Here are the things that jump out at me:

1. You daydream about your addiction when you should be focusing on other things during the day, like your work.

2. You look for excuses to get back to your game, when you could be with family or doing chores, or having personal devotions.

3. You spend more and more hours each day (or night) on your addiction.

4. Your health may suffer. Your relationships suffer. It’s often hard to think straight.

5. It’s hard for you to concentrate on other obligations, including work, school, chores and relationships.

As I mentioned earlier, in many cases it’s about escape. It’s okay to go into your cave and be alone once in a while, but you can’t do it constantly, especially since the life you are escaping is still there when you decide to come out. Eventually you have to face it.

So that’s why I have pulled the plug–for the time being. I had fun, but life isn’t always about fun. Sometimes it’s about getting things done and having relationships and keeping significance in the things you do.

More later.

Oh, what a tangled World Wide Web we weave.

I teach a class called Interpersonal Communication once every two years. In it, there’s a segment where I talk to students about silence. From my experience, students have a hard time handling it. I see it in general, but I see it even more in my own children. They can’t seem to function without some kind of noise going on–radio, TV, internet, whatnot.

In class, I suggest that they try going camping by themselves–alone in the wilderness for two or three days with no reading material, no radio, no iPod. Even no cellphone. A few students blurt out that something like that is dangerous. Most admit that they would have trouble with such a scenario. The reality is: most people growing up today are indoctrinated into a culture that encourages you to swim in electronic stimulus during every waking moment.

The reason I bring this up in class has to do with spirituality. How can you focus on your own spirituality, your own relationship with God, if you never give Him the opportunity to talk to you? And if you take the time for Him to speak, are our own minds quiet enough that we can hear His voice?

I bring this up in class, and I am somewhat smug in myself, feeling that I have no problem driving without the radio or CD player on, sitting at home without the TV on, pondering the complexities of the Universe. Or so I thought.

On Thursday, September 3, a fierce lightning storm hit Southwestern Adventist University, where I teach. One bolt hit the radio station next door, starting a fire in the attic, and frying electronic equipment throughout the building, including my office. Two and a half weeks later, I am just getting a new computer and still am without a printer.

Cool-as-a-cucumber guy that I am, in-synch-with-the-universe dude. No problem, right? Do without my office computer for two weeks. No sweat. After all, I still have my home computer. Right.

Arrgh!!

Luckily, I have a laptop I use at home, and I was able to tote it back and forth for two weeks. But the fact that I didn’t have access to email in the office, couldn’t get Internet unless I went home or elsewhere on campus, couldn’t use my scanner and couldn’t print, basically drove me bonkers. How did anyone work before computers? Before the Internet? Before email?

I am dating myself, but I remember when fax machines became common. I marveled at how someone could take a piece of paper with writing on it, scramble it electronically, then reassemble somewhere else on earth. It reminded me of the transporter on Star Trek; so much science fiction.

I am still boggled when I think of the Web, and what it makes possible. But that doesn’t mean I am not hooked on it.

When I am gone for the weekend, and arrive back at home, the first thing I do is sit down and plop my laptop down to see what is going on in the world. I tweet. I book Face. I scan for news on my beloved Oakland Raiders.

I could do without the Internet. Really, I could. But not for long.

What will I tell my students?